rec.autos.simulators

> > I know how you all like to brag about how ferkin fast yer are aroond
Monza
> > in yer zippy little Lotus, how yah start to bubble when the frame rate
> hits
> > 2, how you "finished 2nd" because the AI bloke driving the soupped up
> banger
> > that beat yah is a cheating little ***er and blah blah is better than
> blah
> > blah 2...and so on......

> > But howz about putting your little ditties of sim racing stories in a
post
> > from the postieman...?

> > Like this...(er excuse the language..)

> > Its 7.30 and pitch black ootside.

> > I'm hunched over me wheel with the plastic to the floor sweating like a
> > noodle.

> > Its Spa....

> > I'm in 3rd place...NEVER been higher, I'm so tense I could crack a
walnut
> > with me arse cheeks...tongue sticking out of me gob in rapt
> concentration..

> > Me mechanic gives me the board....3 laps ter go as I bomb down by the
> pits,
> > arse wobbling like a jelly on the plate.........

> > "Grip for ***s sake...!!!!!!!" I shout thanking God that the missus is
> out
> > for the night.

> > "Oh Oh........shite.." I gulp...

> > For there in the mirror is that bastard Clark...getting closer and
> closer...

> > "Don't you even ***ing think about it..!!" as I shift up from 4th to
5th,
> > engine squealing like a pig.

> > "Wahhhhhhhhhh haaaayyyyy.." I burp as I head down and up over the rise
of
> > that dangerous ***er of a turn.....Ea Rouge...I think..!!!!!

> > Glance left, right...

> > "Where'd dat *** get toooooooooo nnnnnnnnnooooooshittttttt.."

> > With a mighty roar and a higho silver, Clark jinks to the left  and
powers
> > past me on the right giving me the ***ing finger.........

> > "Yer ***ing poncey shite......." I scream in my helmet as he disappears
> in
> > the distance.

> > I grip the wheel slavering like a lunatic...........eh..!!!!!!! what the
> > f..............?

> > The car begins to shake and wobble........

> > "A puncture.......!!!!!!!!ahhhhhhhh"

> > ..........straight over the nearest ***ing hedge..............game
over.

> > A little while later.......

> > The mechanic is standing there with hands on hips looking as pissed as a
> > newt...

> > "And what the *** do you call that then.............!!!!!!!!!!"

> > Er.......

> > Anyone else got AI tales to tell...make a change from listening to the
> usual
> > shoite....

> > idav

> > Master of the arse over***manoever.

>> Your giving Oscar Wilde a run for his money with your tales!


>> > To all you rocket sprockets outta there in vroom vroom land........

>> > I know how you all like to brag about how ferkin fast yer are aroond
>Monza
>> > in yer zippy little Lotus, how yah start to bubble when the frame rate
>> hits
>> > 2, how you "finished 2nd" because the AI bloke driving the soupped up
>> banger
>> > that beat yah is a cheating little ***er and blah blah is better than
>> blah
>> > blah 2...and so on......

>> > But howz about putting your little ditties of sim racing stories in a
>post
>> > from the postieman...?

>> > Like this...(er excuse the language..)

>> > Its 7.30 and pitch black ootside.

>> > I'm hunched over me wheel with the plastic to the floor sweating like a
>> > noodle.

>> > Its Spa....

>> > I'm in 3rd place...NEVER been higher, I'm so tense I could crack a
>walnut
>> > with me arse cheeks...tongue sticking out of me gob in rapt
>> concentration..

>> > Me mechanic gives me the board....3 laps ter go as I bomb down by the
>> pits,
>> > arse wobbling like a jelly on the plate.........

>> > "Grip for ***s sake...!!!!!!!" I shout thanking God that the missus is
>> out
>> > for the night.

>> > "Oh Oh........shite.." I gulp...

>> > For there in the mirror is that bastard Clark...getting closer and
>> closer...

>> > "Don't you even ***ing think about it..!!" as I shift up from 4th to
>5th,
>> > engine squealing like a pig.

>> > "Wahhhhhhhhhh haaaayyyyy.." I burp as I head down and up over the rise
>of
>> > that dangerous ***er of a turn.....Ea Rouge...I think..!!!!!

>> > Glance left, right...

>> > "Where'd dat *** get toooooooooo nnnnnnnnnooooooshittttttt.."

>> > With a mighty roar and a higho silver, Clark jinks to the left  and
>powers
>> > past me on the right giving me the ***ing finger.........

>> > "Yer ***ing poncey shite......." I scream in my helmet as he disappears
>> in
>> > the distance.

>> > I grip the wheel slavering like a lunatic...........eh..!!!!!!! what the
>> > f..............?

>> > The car begins to shake and wobble........

>> > "A puncture.......!!!!!!!!ahhhhhhhh"

>> > ..........straight over the nearest ***ing hedge..............game
>over.

>> > A little while later.......

>> > The mechanic is standing there with hands on hips looking as pissed as a
>> > newt...

>> > "And what the *** do you call that then.............!!!!!!!!!!"

>> > Er.......

>> > Anyone else got AI tales to tell...make a change from listening to the
>> usual
>> > shoite....

>> > idav

>> > Master of the arse over***manoever.

> > Your giving Oscar Wilde a run for his money with your tales!


> > > To all you rocket sprockets outta there in vroom vroom land........

> > > I know how you all like to brag about how ferkin fast yer are aroond
> Monza
> > > in yer zippy little Lotus, how yah start to bubble when the frame rate
> > hits
> > > 2, how you "finished 2nd" because the AI bloke driving the soupped up
> > banger
> > > that beat yah is a cheating little ***er and blah blah is better than
> > blah
> > > blah 2...and so on......

> > > But howz about putting your little ditties of sim racing stories in a
> post
> > > from the postieman...?

> > > Like this...(er excuse the language..)

> > > Its 7.30 and pitch black ootside.

> > > I'm hunched over me wheel with the plastic to the floor sweating like
a
> > > noodle.

> > > Its Spa....

> > > I'm in 3rd place...NEVER been higher, I'm so tense I could crack a
> walnut
> > > with me arse cheeks...tongue sticking out of me gob in rapt
> > concentration..

> > > Me mechanic gives me the board....3 laps ter go as I bomb down by the
> > pits,
> > > arse wobbling like a jelly on the plate.........

> > > "Grip for ***s sake...!!!!!!!" I shout thanking God that the missus
is
> > out
> > > for the night.

> > > "Oh Oh........shite.." I gulp...

> > > For there in the mirror is that bastard Clark...getting closer and
> > closer...

> > > "Don't you even ***ing think about it..!!" as I shift up from 4th to
> 5th,
> > > engine squealing like a pig.

> > > "Wahhhhhhhhhh haaaayyyyy.." I burp as I head down and up over the rise
> of
> > > that dangerous ***er of a turn.....Ea Rouge...I think..!!!!!

> > > Glance left, right...

> > > "Where'd dat *** get toooooooooo nnnnnnnnnooooooshittttttt.."

> > > With a mighty roar and a higho silver, Clark jinks to the left  and
> powers
> > > past me on the right giving me the ***ing finger.........

> > > "Yer ***ing poncey shite......." I scream in my helmet as he
disappears
> > in
> > > the distance.

> > > I grip the wheel slavering like a lunatic...........eh..!!!!!!! what
the
> > > f..............?

> > > The car begins to shake and wobble........

> > > "A puncture.......!!!!!!!!ahhhhhhhh"

> > > ..........straight over the nearest ***ing hedge..............game
> over.

> > > A little while later.......

> > > The mechanic is standing there with hands on hips looking as pissed as
a
> > > newt...

> > > "And what the *** do you call that then.............!!!!!!!!!!"

> > > Er.......

> > > Anyone else got AI tales to tell...make a change from listening to the
> > usual
> > > shoite....

> > > idav

> > > Master of the arse over***manoever.

> Brian Fox
> http://www.racesimcentral.net/~foxman
> Pobody's Nerfect
> Warranty void if tagline removed.

> >Well.........gee swizzzz,

> <snippy>

> >Of course if any of you wingding's want to prove me wrong........

> >idav

> Wonderful stuff!  The spirit of Ernest Hemingway is certainly inside you.

> What's a "jaquizi"?

> I know how you all like to brag about how ferkin fast yer are aroond Monza
> in yer zippy little Lotus, how yah start to bubble when the frame rate hits
> 2, how you "finished 2nd" because the AI bloke driving the soupped up banger
> that beat yah is a cheating little ***er and blah blah is better than blah
> blah 2...and so on......

> But howz about putting your little ditties of sim racing stories in a post
> from the postieman...?

> Like this...(er excuse the language..)

> Its 7.30 and pitch black ootside.

> I'm hunched over me wheel with the plastic to the floor sweating like a
> noodle.

> Its Spa....

> I'm in 3rd place...NEVER been higher, I'm so tense I could crack a walnut
> with me arse cheeks...tongue sticking out of me gob in rapt concentration..

> Me mechanic gives me the board....3 laps ter go as I bomb down by the pits,
> arse wobbling like a jelly on the plate.........

> "Grip for ***s sake...!!!!!!!" I shout thanking God that the missus is out
> for the night.

> "Oh Oh........shite.." I gulp...

> For there in the mirror is that bastard Clark...getting closer and closer...

> "Don't you even ***ing think about it..!!" as I shift up from 4th to 5th,
> engine squealing like a pig.

> "Wahhhhhhhhhh haaaayyyyy.." I burp as I head down and up over the rise of
> that dangerous ***er of a turn.....Ea Rouge...I think..!!!!!

> Glance left, right...

> "Where'd dat *** get toooooooooo nnnnnnnnnooooooshittttttt.."

> With a mighty roar and a higho silver, Clark jinks to the left  and powers
> past me on the right giving me the ***ing finger.........

> "Yer ***ing poncey shite......." I scream in my helmet as he disappears in
> the distance.

> I grip the wheel slavering like a lunatic...........eh..!!!!!!! what the
> f..............?

> The car begins to shake and wobble........

> "A puncture.......!!!!!!!!ahhhhhhhh"

> ..........straight over the nearest ***ing hedge..............game over.

> A little while later.......

> The mechanic is standing there with hands on hips looking as pissed as a
> newt...

> "And what the *** do you call that then.............!!!!!!!!!!"

> Er.......

> Anyone else got AI tales to tell...make a change from listening to the usual
> shoite....

> idav

> Master of the arse over***manoever.

> Only a couple of you petrol heads wanna share the juice and chew the wacky
> backy with lil old me about how they blew away the Ferrari at
> Kyalami.........sigh.

> You lot seem more interested in techie talk than the "romantic" side of sim
> auto racing.......

> I mean fer ***s sake, this group should be more than a "Help...I'm stuck
> shop", I thought it was improving with the dignified posts about Greg Moores
> death, but alas....I guess most of you don't give a baboon's balls for sad
> ***ers like me who want to chew the cud about their virtual races and how
> the Artificial Intelligence is a bigger cheater than a cheetah.........

> Like the time I was going side by side with Senna through the curva grande
> with Mansell kissing my gearbox or how I made Schumacher look a right***as
> I stuck it by him on the last lap at Suzuka............

> Stories to be left untold, I fear.......ho hum diddly

> Of course if any of you wingding's want to prove me wrong........

> idav

> When his Lotus shifts to 6th its up, up, and ...............over the ***ing
> fence.

> > > Your giving Oscar Wilde a run for his money with your tales!


> > > > To all you rocket sprockets outta there in vroom vroom land........

> > > > I know how you all like to brag about how ferkin fast yer are aroond
> > Monza
> > > > in yer zippy little Lotus, how yah start to bubble when the frame rate
> > > hits
> > > > 2, how you "finished 2nd" because the AI bloke driving the soupped up
> > > banger
> > > > that beat yah is a cheating little ***er and blah blah is better than
> > > blah
> > > > blah 2...and so on......

> > > > But howz about putting your little ditties of sim racing stories in a
> > post
> > > > from the postieman...?

> > > > Like this...(er excuse the language..)

> > > > Its 7.30 and pitch black ootside.

> > > > I'm hunched over me wheel with the plastic to the floor sweating like
> a
> > > > noodle.

> > > > Its Spa....

> > > > I'm in 3rd place...NEVER been higher, I'm so tense I could crack a
> > walnut
> > > > with me arse cheeks...tongue sticking out of me gob in rapt
> > > concentration..

> > > > Me mechanic gives me the board....3 laps ter go as I bomb down by the
> > > pits,
> > > > arse wobbling like a jelly on the plate.........

> > > > "Grip for ***s sake...!!!!!!!" I shout thanking God that the missus
> is
> > > out
> > > > for the night.

> > > > "Oh Oh........shite.." I gulp...

> > > > For there in the mirror is that bastard Clark...getting closer and
> > > closer...

> > > > "Don't you even ***ing think about it..!!" as I shift up from 4th to
> > 5th,
> > > > engine squealing like a pig.

> > > > "Wahhhhhhhhhh haaaayyyyy.." I burp as I head down and up over the rise
> > of
> > > > that dangerous ***er of a turn.....Ea Rouge...I think..!!!!!

> > > > Glance left, right...

> > > > "Where'd dat *** get toooooooooo nnnnnnnnnooooooshittttttt.."

> > > > With a mighty roar and a higho silver, Clark jinks to the left  and
> > powers
> > > > past me on the right giving me the ***ing finger.........

> > > > "Yer ***ing poncey shite......." I scream in my helmet as he
> disappears
> > > in
> > > > the distance.

> > > > I grip the wheel slavering like a lunatic...........eh..!!!!!!! what
> the
> > > > f..............?

> > > > The car begins to shake and wobble........

> > > > "A puncture.......!!!!!!!!ahhhhhhhh"

> > > > ..........straight over the nearest ***ing hedge..............game
> > over.

> > > > A little while later.......

> > > > The mechanic is standing there with hands on hips looking as pissed as
> a
> > > > newt...

> > > > "And what the *** do you call that then.............!!!!!!!!!!"

> > > > Er.......

> > > > Anyone else got AI tales to tell...make a change from listening to the
> > > usual
> > > > shoite....

> > > > idav

> > > > Master of the arse over***manoever.

> Having negotiated a seat with the Lotus team (yah don't think I talked to
> the Coventry or Murasama lot did yah..?, I'm not that ***ing stupid..!!)

> I had my ride.

> Hours and hours I pounded around and around Watkins and Monza lap after lap
> until I was anywhere near useful.

> And so finally, onto the real thing........ a full Season 67 with all the
> options on!!.

> Crikey..!!!!!

> Coming soon........

> The personal stories of a rookie driver in the Grand Prix World
> Championships of '67.

> Tales from the pits, through qualifying to race day.

> Part 1 - Kyalami.

> The true story of how I blew the shit out of 3 engines, ***ed up the
> suspension and how I achieved a personal best of 5.9 (from all 6 judges) as
> I did a triple-salko with an inverted twist over the nearest ***ing hedge
> at Crowthorne Corner (Turn 1) on lap 10.

> But it wasn't my fault....honest!!!

> idav

> > Hmm, perhaps we're all afraid our sweat-inducing stories of gpl grandness
> > wouldn't live up to your narrative skill.  If I had any stories to tell,
> I'd
> > send them to you to rephrase and post to this fine group=)

> > Brian Fox
> > http://www.racesimcentral.net/~foxman
> > Pobody's Nerfect
> > Warranty void if tagline removed.

> > >Well.........gee swizzzz,

> > <snippy>

> > >Of course if any of you wingding's want to prove me wrong........

> > >idav