You are saying my friends are full of hot air?
Uh oh... I'm about to have a moment... Must... resist......
GAH!! I can't help myself!
Do you know what time it is?
It's story time, boys and girls!!
"Weeee! A story!"
Billy-Blu-Bob lived in a beautiful neighborhood in Lawnville, USA.
Everyone mowed their lawn twice per week. People tried all sorts of
different things to make their lawn the most beautiful lawn in
Lawnville.
One day, Joe-Red-Bob (Billy-Blu-Bob's cousin) asked his
wife,"Rickie-Red-Bob, would it be ok if I cut the lawn shorter? I
think that might be more beautiful than Billy-Blu-Bob's lawn!"
Rickie-Red-Bob replied, "Sure Joe-Red-Bob, that'd be fine with me!
You're so smart! I bet that would make our lawn the most beautiful
lawn in all of Lawnville!"
With Rickie-Red-Bob's blessing, Joe-Red-Bob lowered his mower from the
1-1/2" cutting height everyone else in Lawnville used to only 1" and
mowed his whole lawn. It was more work because the lawn was being cut
much shorter than anyone else's lawn in Lawnville, but Joe-Red-Bob and
Rickie-Red-Bob knew it was worth it. And sure enough, after he
finished his hard work, everyone in Lawnville agreed that Joe-Red-Bob
had the most beautiful lawn in Lawnville!
Now, the people in Lawnville were very smart people. Joe-Red-Bob was
smart. But Billy-Blu-Bob's brains brittled and bounced with brand new
ideas.
Billy-Blu-Bob asked his wife, a (big boobed blonde babe), "Hey
Brandie-Blu-Bob, how would you like me to cut our lawn even shorter?
I'll cut it to 3/4" height. That will be 25% more work, but
Brandie-Blue-Bob, it will be worth it! We'll have the most beautiful
lawn in Lawnville!"
Brandie-Blu-Bob replied, "Sure Billy-Blu-Bob!!"
Billy-Blu-Bob got to mowing. When he was finished, everyone agreed
that Billy-Blu-Bob had the most beautiful lawn in Lawnville!
Now, up the street was a feller by the name of Timmy. Timmy didn't
really fit in. His name was wierd and he was a cartoon character from
SouthPark, which wasn't anywhere near Lawnville. But, he was sure a
smart feller! He had been watching what was going on and loved his
lawn even more than anybody in Lawnville loved their own.
One sunny day, he went to his wife and announced,"Tammy, I know what's
going on. The shorter the grass is, the more beautiful the lawn! I'm
going to build a special lawn mower that will cut the grass to only
1/4" height! Then, our lawn will be the most beautiful lawn in
Lawnville for a very long time! Why, their lawn mowers can't even cut
the grass that short!"
Tammy said, "Timmy! That's a great idea! But you've never built a
lawn mower before! Nobody in Lawnville has ever built their own
lawnmower before! Only the people in Capitol Riches and Tunza
Resources have ever built their own lawnmowers!"
"Don't worry Tammy, I can do it!" exclaimed Timmy.
Sure enough, Timmy built the lawn mower and started mowing. He had a
very big lawn to mow for a little guy in a wheelchair, but he kept at
it, refusing to give up. Surprisingly, he mowed just as fast as the
guys in Capitol Riches and Tunza Resources!
After he had half the lawn mowed, a neighbor stopped by and could not
believe what he was seeing. The grass was so short! It was impossible
to make grass that short! There wasn't a lawnmower in the whole world
that could do it! And it was so much more beautiful than any lawn he
had ever seen! The neighbor told some other neighbors. Timmy told
some others. Before long, Timmy's lawn was the talk of Lawnville.
"It's beautiful!"
"I've never seen anything like it!"
"This is going to be the most beautiful lawn in Lawnville!"
"How did you do it?"
"When will you be finished?"
"What's it going to feel like to walk on that very short grass?"
Timmy told them how he was doing it. He told them how he built his own
lawnmower. He told them how the lawnmower worked, what it was built
from, how it was constructed, how the special blades worked. He told
them all about it! Anyone who asked him a question got an answer.
This was very unusual for such a breakthrough in lawncare technology.
Nobody that built lawnmowers in Capitol Riches and Tunza Resources ever
talked about how their lawnmowers worked with anybody. Tammy knew
this. And it was beginning to make her nervous.
Even the folks at the Lawnville radio station, K-GRAS, interviewed him.
He was in the magazines and newspapers (they write very fast in
Lawnville). People on the internet talked about it after seeing
pictures and movies of the finished parts of his new lawn.
But after some time, some of the neighbors became impatient. They
never actually watched a giant lawn the size of Timmy and Tammy's giant
lawn get mowed on a daily basis. They normally would drive out to the
rich parts of Lawnville and see the really big lawns when they were
finished.
"Come on, how long does it take to mow your lawn? With that special
mower it should be done by now!"
Later still, while Timmy was still mowing along, wishing he had thirty
or fourty people helping him like the other people with really big
lawns in Lawnville had, Tammy took him aside and confided in him.
"Timmy, I don't feel comfortable with you talking to all of these
people. You're telling them everything. Nobody else in Lawnville, and
especially Capitol Riches or Tunza Resources does this. We didn't do
this in SouthPark either. You're even telling them how your lawn mower
works and how you built it. What if somebody in Capitol Riches or
Tunza Resources catches on, builds a mower like yours, and mows a lawn
as beautiful as the one you're making? Please Timmy, stop telling
everyone what you're up to. Stop sending people pictures all the time,
doing interviews, and all of this stuff. Wait until you're almost
finished and then I will tell them about it for you, ok? Trust me, I
know how to handle these things better than you."
Timmy begrudingly obeyed Tammy and stopped talking to the neighbors
about his lawn.
Some time later, after noticing that Timmy never popped his head over
the back yard fence any more (the front yard was finished, anyone who
bothered to walk by could see the beautiful lawn), they began wondering
where he was. They wrote Timmy letters and called him. But he obeyed
Tammy's wishes and ignored them. It tore his heart out, but he had no
choice.
Before long, people became impatient. Then angry. Then downright
hostile. Had Timmy led them along and pulled some sort of prank?
Where in the world was he? Why wasn't he talking to anyone anymore?
People began to think he had disappeared. They couldn't see over his
backyard fence to see him mowing, and Tammy wouldn't let him out until
it was done.
The began to think it would never be finished.
"It'll never be finished!"
"You'll never finish!"
"Are you going to finish?"
Timmy didn't care what they said, he just wanted to have the most
beautiful lawn in Lawnville, so he kept right on mowing his backyard
behind the fence. It was just a matter of time now. The mower worked
great and he knew how to use it. If people snuck through his back gate
and asked how he built his lawn mower or wanted to see pictures of the
finished parts of his back lawn, he would still happily show them, but
not to the mean ones because they made Timmy sad. And when Timmy was
sad it wasn't as fun to mow his lawn. It was bad enough that Tammy
wouldn't let him talk to the people of LawnVille anymore until he was
done.
Outside the fence, angry mobs gathered.
"You're going too slow!!"
"Hurry up!"
"I want to see your lawn!"
"Can I try walking on your lawn before you're done mowing it?"
(To avoid attracting attention from Tammy, Timmy said quietly, "No, you
can walk on it when it's finished.")
"But it'll never be finished!"
Timmy rolled his eyes. He was sure it would. It was almost done. The
mower worked beautifully. He was a little confused though why these
very same people who had seen movies of the mower and lawn working were
doubting that the lawn mower even existed, but nevermind. He had a job
to do.
"Timmy, you're full of hot air!!" screamed Joe-Red-Bob.
"Timmy is full of hot air!!" screamed Joe-Red-Bob.
Then, something terrible happened.
The sky got dark. Creepy black clouds rolled in, blocking the sun.
Thunder boomed in the distance. It could only mean one thing. Timmy
turned his head slowly towards the house, fearing the worst.
"Timmy!!!" shouted Tammy, bursting frantically through the side door.
"I've changed my mind! I don't want you to mow the lawn that short
with your special mower! It's too unlike the other lawns in Lawnville!
It's beautiful, yes, but that short grass will prickle and tickle your
feet and get dirt between the Lawnville kids' toes! My sister is here
and she thinks the same thing!"
"But Tammy!!" cried Timmy, "You said I could do it! You promised it
was okay and you've supported it all along!"
Off in the distance behind the fence, Joe Red Bob angrily shouted to
the Lawnville Mob, "Timmy is full of hot air! Just you watch, he won't
finish the lawn. Mark my words!"
Tammy, who didn't hear Joe Red Bob, shook her head and admitted, "I
just walked on the other side that you've finished. The grass is too
short. I know it's more beautiful than any other lawn in Lawnville,
but it's too hard to walk on this very short grass without it tickling
or scratching your feet! It's uncomfortable. It's not like the other
lawns."
Timmy was stunned. He had worked so hard for so long and without any
help like the people of Capitol Riches and Tunza Resources had, and his
lawn was just as big as theirs! He even built his own lawn mower for
the job. Was what he was hearing true?
"But Tammy, everybody in Lawnville loves short grass! I've figured it
out! The shorter the grass, the more the people in Lawnville love the
lawn! These people like to have their feet tickled. They like it when
they itch. And I've already told everyone I would do it because you
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