rec.autos.simulators

GP2: Lap Time Divisions

JEB

GP2: Lap Time Divisions

by JEB » Sun, 28 Jul 1996 04:00:00

Since I commented on the use of the keyboard for
driving GP2, I've received several "death threats"
and a lot of hate mail. So, not to be deterred, I'm
RE-talley'ate'ing.

Here are the Official "OZ" divisions for driving laps.

CAT 1: Those lilly livered, egg sucking, clean finger-
nail, eat muffins for breakfast, always have just the
right amount of B12, subscribe to a Sunday paper,
and pay their taxes bunch who use the KEYBOARD..
(Crowd roars with DIS-approval...Boos, catcalls)
(Woman faints in the back row)

CAT 2: Those layered look, unclean, hair too long,
drink alternative malt beverages, dropped out of
school, only have one joyport, don't mow the lawn,
reprobates who use the JOYSTICK...
(Huge ghast from crowd, two women faint, and a
bald guy streaks the front of the hall)

CAT 3: Those square jawed, white teethed, wavey
haired, maturely muscled, superior intellectual,
above average chess players, who drink straight
liquor from a shot glass, don't own a single Perry
Como record, hum the 9th Symphony in the shower,
have a blonde, brunette, and a redhead, draped
about the floor around their driving chair, and
get "in race"***tail service, fellows who
USE A STEERING WHEEL AND PEDAL DEVICE....

(Crowd roars with approval, woman dance in the
asiles, young boys clench fists and yell "hoot,
hoot, hoot", the sky turns blue, the sun shines
in glinting off the eyes of the WHEEL AND PEDAL
users, there is an "awe, awe, awe" sound from
above, and the trees turn flush with bloom)

So, DO let us know which steering "method"
you are using when posting up lap times.
We promise, of course, that we will NOT
draw any CONCLUSIONS regarding your CHARACTER
from the DEVICE that you CHOOSE.

Don't thank me, it was a pubic service and
someone had to step forward and clearup the
confusion in this important manner.

Cherriooooo mates...

JEB in Vegas

DISCLAIMER for the humor impaired. The above IS A JOKE,
was intended as a JOKE and if you don't get it then
you ARE the joke....hehehehehhe


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