-Larry
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--
ed_
then obviously where your mother got knocked up with you because you are an
ignorant ass.
and...if you ever come to the south, you may want to print this and keep it
with you at all times. :)
Dan
1. Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just
a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they
know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass
2. Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray,
Tammy Lynn, Jo Ann, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, ***, Clovis, etc.). Or we
will just HAVE to kick your ass.
3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's
called Coke. Nobody gives a flying %#$& whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper,
7-Up or whatever -- it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to
an ass kicking.
4. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g.,Welty,
Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer.
Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies,
or we'll kick your ass
5. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of FedEx, Turner
Broadcasting, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do sometimes, have small lapses in
judgment (e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes, Clinton). We don't care if you
think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in
order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their
ass.
6. Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet
and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd
be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington.
If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your
ass.
7. We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the &^#% up.
8. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know
that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended - with gravy. And
don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass
9. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your
ass kicked.
10. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we
know better. Many of us have visited Northern cesspools like Detroit, Chicago,
and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is
ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it
gets kicked.
11. Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we
don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we
are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and
that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your
ass.
12. Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes
or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty,
we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.
13. Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors
open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are
expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around
our sweet little grey-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into
your ass just like they did ours.
14. So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the
countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in ***, smelly,
crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of our fresh air,
and we'll kick your ass
15. Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to
barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky
we let you come down here at all.
That about sums it up..lol.
[great list of things *not* to do in the south snipped]
Thanks Damandano, that was a great read! 8-)
Cheers,
Uwe
--
mail replies to Uwe at schuerkamp dot de ( yahoo address is spambox)
Uwe Schuerkamp //////////////////////////// http://www.schuerkamp.de/
Herford, Germany \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ (52.0N/8.5E)
GPG Fingerprint: 2E 13 20 22 9A 3F 63 7F 67 6F E9 B1 A8 36 A4 61
2. .... Or we
will just HAVE to kick your ass.
3.... Doing otherwise can lead to
an ass kicking.
4. ...We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer.
Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies,
or we'll kick your ass
5. ... If someone tried to do that, we would kick their
ass.
6. ...If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick
your
ass.
ass
8.... And
don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass
9. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your
ass kicked.
10.... If you don't like it here, Delta is
ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it
gets kicked.
11....Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your
ass.
12. .... If you whine about OUR scenic beauty,
we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.
13. ... Behave yourselves around
our sweet little grey-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into
your ass just like they did ours.
14..... Make fun of our fresh air,
and we'll kick your ass
15.... This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked).... >>
Lighten up Francis.... <big grin>
Mike
DELIVERANCE
lol
:)
