rec.autos.simulators

much needed humour for sim.gearheads

Matt Howe

much needed humour for sim.gearheads

by Matt Howe » Wed, 20 Dec 1995 04:00:00

I cant take credit for this. It is adapted from Bob Rogers simulators web
page so that it applies to auto simulators. I hope Rick Genter sees this.

In the interests of cutting down the flamage in this group every time a new
auto simulator is released, I'm offering the following. If you'd rather be
rational, then try this easy four-step method:

    1. Don't buy 'til you've read a review of the released product.
    2. Don't buy if your machine's horsepower isn't up to the task.
    3. Don't buy if you want a feature that isn't advertised ON THE BOX.
    4. Try reading the docs and playing the game for a while before
       posting about it.

Now for the flamers (or those without Usenet who want to simulate
rec.autos.simulators)...

Instructions:

Save this to a file. Whenever a new auto simulator is released, edit this
file, and fill in the blanks
(marked with brackets: []) and mail it to yourself. Do not, repeat do not,
post it to rec.autos.simulators)...

     First Look at [sim name]

     [sim name] just hit the shelves at the local mall.  Being too
     impatient to see what the reviews said, I shelled out a rip-off
     price of [list price of game] and brought it home.

     It sucks!  The [feature], [feature], and [feature] don't work
     like [some beta tester or developer] said it would 6 months ago
     on the net. It won't run in SVGA with all details on my 486/SX25.
     The paint kit doesn't automatically draw new cars every time driver's
     switch teams or change sponsors. Doesn't [company name]
     realize what a huge market there is for perfect games?! What morons!

     They even left out flying chicken bones.  When are sim makers
     going to wake up and realize that we want *** realism?!

     I can't try the modem play because I can't find anybody that
     still wants to play games with me, but I read on [news group or
     online service] that it didn't work more than 80% of the time.

     It runs slow on the machine I got from my uncle who bought it
     from a store in Asia when he was on a business trip.

     The manual's only 250 pages.  It doesn't say anything about the
     chemicals that [tire brand] uses to get the *** to make
     the [tire name].

     You can bet that when [as-yet-unreleased-but-sure-to-be-hot sim]
     comes out that [sim name] will end up in the bargain shelves.

     More later when I've had time to play the game.

RickGent

much needed humour for sim.gearheads

by RickGent » Thu, 21 Dec 1995 04:00:00

heh heh heh

Rick Genter
Technical Lead, IndyCar Racing II
Papyrus Design Group, Inc.


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