physiological reasons, a dog may spend hours chasing his tail. If he catches
it and causes injury it could, if left untreated, cause further injury and
worsen the whirling behavior.
I sense five perceptions to this problem.
To the dog: His tail preoccupies him for long periods of time. It is the
reason for, and the solution to, all of his problems. Left untreated, he
will chase it until hunger, thirst, or fatigue overtakes him. When rested,
he will continue his pursuit. Until treatment, training, and rehabilitation
are provided, the dog will likely die after breathlessly wasting his life.
To pet owners: The disturbing behavior interferes with their otherwise
healthy relationship with the family pet. Tail-chasing also distracts him
from the security that comes with his territorial instincts.
To underdeveloped ***s: Like ***, a tortured dog can provide hours of
entertainment, especially for those desperate to relieve their own pain.
To disinterested neighbors: Although annoying, the dog seems active and
fully engaged.
To criminals: Whirling dogs are too busy to protect territory or confront
evil.
So how did whirling dogs get my attention? If you said "global warming" you
would be correct!
Let me explain:
The dog's tail presents an imagined source of anxiety. Healthy dogs hardly
notice their tails until caught in a door or stepped on. But to mentally
disturbed animals, their obsessive compulsion resembles the paranormal
hysteria that preoccupies our global warming alarmists.
Except for the meteorologists and climatologists who have studied our skies
for centuries, most people hardly notice the weather until the game gets
rained out. But to Al Gore, hot and cold days, thickening and melting ice,
rain and drought, day and night, deserts and mountains all remind him of his
scabbed little tale. If***was alone in this endeavor he'd be viewed as a
deranged mongrel that needs help. The difference is that, this time,***
has convinced other dogs to enlist more dogs to chase their tails and to
recruit other whirling crazies, as if scouting for the canine version of
Dance Fever.
The pet owners represent the grown-ups of America. Those of us who embrace
what Thomas Sowell describes as a "significant stake in society" look at the
weather as the inexact science it is. Unless you belong to the Flat Earth
Society you'll agree that the planet has warmed considerably since the Ice
Age. But how can we believe scientists can predict the next 100,000 years
when AccuWeather barely grasps the next 100 hours? And when leftist
politicians dismiss internationally-recognized climatologists (1,2,3) for
their heliocentric blasphemy, it's time for America's grown-ups to call the
dog whisperer.
America's underdeveloped ***s will resist. After all, these cultists have
invested much time and energy in the global warming tale. The *** of
concerts, fundraising, domestic terrorism, moonbat romances, and political
enablers feel too good to surrender to the dysphoric sobriety of a wasted
life. Like the seduced child who is suddenly too old for his priest, America's
moonbats have wasted too much of their lives to chase another tale. But
before they start passing the Kool-Aid I have some good news - there's
always Obama and "racial profiling."
America's disinterested neighbors are too preoccupied with their own lives
to worry one way or the other. They hear Al Gore's growling snarls and
suppose he's doing what dogs do.***sounds really busy, he stays active,
and he makes lots of impressive noises, so he must know what he's doing. And
regardless of what Gore's up to, the neighbors are too busy working, raising
families, punching clocks, baking cookies, and suing corporations to worry
about Gore's tale. They know that when the dust settles,***will take a
well-deserved nap. After all, he's been busy protecting the planet from
greenhouse gases. I'm amazed that secular moonbats so willingly genuflect to
cow farts. No wonder they chase their tails.
Criminals are a threat. While America is distracted by the growls, dust, and
snapping of fake issues like global warming and racial profiling, immediate
problems like Islam, medicine, Social Security, gangs, and public schools,
are killing and crippling Americans today! To avoid any agreement with the
Bush Administration, politicians seeking the moonbat vote will finance the
ambitious scientists to promote the global warming issue, as long as those
politicians keep the grant money coming in.
I must admit, ever since I learned that global warming will drown San
Francisco, Santa Monica, and Boston I've been burning old tires in my back
year. But the reality is that the planet will continue to warm and humanity
will adapt as we always have, as long as we survive the present global
crisis.
America's grown-ups see the dog chasing its tail. We've looked for parasites
and mange but see nothing but bite marks and scars. We gather information,
study the behaviors, and take steps to calm the animal.
As much as I like Rudy, Newt, Condi, and Mitt, I think America needs Cesar
Millan in '08!