Our intrepid reporter, Chris Economy, tracked down Lugs Harvey, owner & crew
chief of the struggling #15 NewEgg.com team, at an undisclosed location some
distance from the lovely Sears Point Raceway near Sonoma, Ca. Sears Point will
host what some feel will be an "interesting" RASCAR stock car race on Saturday
afternoon. Here is the interview:
*start of tape*
CE: Lugs, you are a difficult man to find...
LH: Chris, y'all couldn't find yer... <burp>
CE: Lugs, what can you tell me about the rumors floating around the pits that
your team can't seem to find the handle here at Sears Point?
LH: Awww, heck, this place ain't no darn race track... ain't got no handle,
near as I can tell. Shoot, whoever come up with the idear a' bringin' stock
cars out here got sh*t fer brains... <burp> Hey, ya want some o' this here
fancy wine stuff, seems they got lots of it 'round here. Drivin' around, seems
everywhere ya look they're givin' the darn stuff away I'm kinda partial to the
kind with the bubbles in it....
It was better years ago, down there at Riverside. I mean, if ya gotta run one
o' these here fruity road courses, at least down there at Riverside ya could
race, not like here, where some o' these guys can't even stay on the track. And
the people was better, not so hoity-toity, if ya know what I mean. And the gals
was somethin'... ya know, with them sunglasses pushed up on their heads, and
them tight halter thingys, and those cute lil cut off short shorts with the
fringes an' stuff...
CE: Yeah... we did have some fun down there... Here, gimme one of those...
LH: Shore...
CE: But anyway, some are saying that your driver is one of those that can't
seem to stay on the track. Any comment?
LH: Well, yeah. He's tryin', but he ain't no Stroker Ace(*), that's fer sure.
<sigh> Heck, if it weren't fer our sponsor wantin' ta come out here, I'da
stayed home and gone fishin' And these here so called "modern" drivers ain't
got the grit ta go out there an' just drive the darn car, alls they wanna do is
complain an' b*tch an' whine 'bout the car, or 'bout how NASCAR gives ever'body
but them an advantage, or 'bout how when sumthin' goes wrong it's someone else's
fault. Shoot, jes drive the dam car, that's what I say... <burp> Wanna
'nother?
CE: Shore... Err, sure. Ahem, considering all of your years of experience, what
advice have you given to your driver?
LH: Well, I done tol' him the basic stuff, ya know. Here, Ill give ya an
example. I tol' him there's gonna be guys who're faster, an' that he should just
hold his line when he's gettin' passed. Ya wanna know what his answer was to
that?
CE: Uh... yeah <burp>
CE: Oh. Uhhhhh... well you know that other teams bring specialists in to run
the road courses, have you considered giving that a try?
LH: Awww, jeez, maybe I shouldn't be tellin' ya this, but what the heck...
Awhile back we got one o' those guys from Eurup, ya know, one o' those guys that
drive them fruity lil upside down wing type things?
CE: Formula One cars??????????
LH: Yeah, tha's it... Anyway, cause our sponsor wants ta have more
international exposure, an' NASCAR does, too, they decided to bring this guy
over an' give him a test in our car, an' maybe even run like a race or two, ya
know, if it could be worked out, schedules an' all.
CE: Really????? Who was it? How did it go? Where was it? When did this
happen? What happened? How come no one ever heard about this before? <burp>
Gimme another!
LH: Here, it's the last one... Chris, ya know I can't tell ya nuthin' bout
that. Well, 'cept maybe if ya buy the next case...
CE: Ok, Lugs... here, get what you want. What can you tell me?
LH: Well, it was bout a month or so ago, and it was at a road course not near
as bad as this here one at Sears, and it didn't go so good, in fact he only
completed three an' a half laps. <burp>
CE: Three and a half laps... What happened?
LH: Aw, he blew the motor, an' tore up the whole right side an' back o' the
car... trashed it, really. Took four days justa get the smell out. Guess we
should'a had some Pampers fer him.
CE: Was he hurt? I don't remember hearing anything?
LH: Nah, just a lil shook up. But I heard he didn't do to good at the next
race... guess someone hadta let him by or sumthin', don't follow that stuff.
<burp>
CE: Had to let him by??? No, it couldn't be...
LH: Chris, ya know, I really miss ol' Stroke <sniff> , racin' ain't what it
used ta be...
CE: Lugs, I have to use the men's room... I'll be right back
LH: 'k
*end of tape*
Harvey's driver, BFarmer, could not be reached for comment.
(*) a reference to Harvey's famous driver of the 60s and 70s, Stroker Ace, who
passed away quietly while entertaining at Donna's Ranch, a bordello in
Winnemucca, NV, in 1999.
NOTE: Anyone knowing the whereabouts of Lugs Harvey, please contact the #15
NewEgg.com team at Sears Point Raceway. Thank You.