GPL - World Championships 1967 - Kyalami.

Ok here I go..........this is either going to work or make me look like a complete numb nuts. This was the first time I put a serious effort into the game for a season, probably embellished a couple a things but what the hell....!!!!! * <cough> "aaaaaaand cue Murray..!!!!!!!" "Wwwwwwelcome viewers to another scintillating F1 season on ITV (Internet TellyVision), here we are at Kyalami in sunny South Africa for the start of the Formula 1 World Championships for 1967 which promise AY nother OUTstanding year of motor sport. Beside me, as ever is Martin Brundle, Martin whats YOUR feelings and INsight for the coming season..?" "Well Murray, new drivers, new cars, new circuits what more could you ask for..!!. All the ingrediants are here for some great racing and another great year. But despite all that Murray, you just have to put your money on the Lotus 49 this year, they're looking strong as ever with their new Ford DFV engine, its quick, nimble with lots of high end grunt they're definately the team to beat. The Eagle and Murasama teams are here with brand new chassis and engines so their performances will be one's to watch whereas Ferrari just seem to have stood still as usual...still too much politics behind close doors I fear Murray. "Hurr hurr Controversial as ever Martin!!, still couldn't agree more Lotus are the team to beat AND they've got an impressive driver line up this year..." "You can't go far wrong with Clark and Hill Murray, bags of experience and real racers who will undoubtdley get the best out of the car..." "Now Martin, what about their new driver, not heard much of him, came through the GP2 series with flying colours but this is the big league do you think he can cut it...?" "Time will tell Murray, he seems fairly solid, had a lot of testing at Monza so we'll have to see. I'll tell you something though, if he can't do it with this team he won't ever do it.." "ABsolutely Martin, AND its FANTASTIC to see another Brit in F1, so viewers look out for him this season and I'm sure we all wish him the best of luck.." "We join the action for 1st qualifiying and LOOK Martin, do my ears decieve me or is that the LOTUS first out..YES IT IS and by jove its idav, he's out early in the session....." "Taking advantage of a clear track Murray, good tactics and there he goes past the pits on his first run and just listen to that DFV go!!!!!" "OH YES he looks so smooooooooth Martin, cool, calm and collected.....!!!!!!!!!" ** Bang!!!!!!!! "Eh........what the fuck........?" A shower of metal and sparks exploded behind me arse. "Awww hells bells........!!" banging the wheel giving the budgie a fright. I slammed me feet doon on the plastic pedal bringing the car to a halt..........press Esc. Sitting in the pit, me mechanic sidles up ter me and gives me the beady eye. "Look son, don't rev the shit ootah the engine you're ganna blah the bugger to kingdom come...!!, just teck your time, short shift until ye find your feet.." I nod getting back into the seat sticking a piece of gum in me gob. "Ok here we go......" Shift'n through 1st and 2nd I head out back onto the track as Gurney and Rindt thunder past, toddling through Crowthorne and Barbaque Bend I press the plastic to the floor sawing back and forth on the wheel trying to get a bit of heat into me tyres. Sidling around the last kink, I click the car through the gears as I fly through the home straight and Ist flying lap, hit the black stripe and pile on the brakes shiftin doon until I hit 1st and squeeze through the two slow corners before zipping up through 3rd and 4th, the car wobbling like a jelly on a fucking plate. "Grip fer fucks sake..." I mutter as the tailend begins to fishtale something cronic powering through Jukskel Sweep, Clubhouse Bend before slamming on the brakes and cruise through the Esses before giving the engine full welly onto the homestraight. Crouching over the wheel, stick in another coupla laps feelin as if I'm flying before pulling (Esc) into the pits before I run out of gas and flick the screen. "How've I done....?" "1.27.55" "Who's fastest.......?" "Clark.........1.22." "Eh......where the fuck did he find 5 seconds......?" seriously deflaited. Check the setup, right side tyre temps seriously screwed, bung in a couple of notches of camber and a bit of toe-in at the front. Head out again............. Fanny on for the next hour trying bits n' bobs of combinations before calling it a day and fast forwarding.... With a deep breathe flick the chart and ............bollox. 13th. Clark first, followed by Hill, Hulme and Surtees. "Shite..." I wince going for a piss. ** "Annnnnnnnnd cue Murray....!!!!!" "Here we are at Kyalami for the first round of the Formula 1 series for 1967, we're just a couple of minutes away from the start of the race and all the cars are on the grid AND so is Martin Brundle......over to you MArtin....." "Thanks Murray, its a baking hot day and 80 laps is really going to test the drivers and their cars to the limit, once again the Lotus has dominated qualifying with Clark looking particularly impressive in race trim but look out for Surtees in the Murasama...could be the surprise of the weekend. Sadly, I'm standing by 13th spot and the Lotus of idav, he'll really have to do much better than this if he wants to keep his seat.....give us a wave for the viewers back home idav (fuck off ye poncey pillock). Back up to you Murray." Race 1 - Kyalami (as much as I remember of it!!!!!) Can see sod all......stuck behind the Eagle of McLaren, look right at Ickx's Coventry...start to feel me palms sweat. The engine revs increase blasting from me speakers, stick me tongue out between pressed lips... "Tek your time, don't do anything bloody stupid............." The frame rate drops to 15 (gulp - gotta V3) as all hell breaks loose around me, figuring I'd better shift me arse sharpish, stick it into first....... "Wheelspin........!!" as I feel the tub shiver and shake before getting a grip, bang we're away down to the first corner noticing a Ferrari dodging aboot in me mirrors. Absolute mayhem at Crowthorne as everyone filters through, back off way before I should making bugger lugs behind me take evasive manoevers. "Don't bloody hit me..!!!!!!!" I blurt out giving a BRM a wide berth as it dips inside to my right, whew!!!!!, get through the next bend and notice a couple of daft buggers grasscutting and one on fire by the fence.....hurr hurr.. Hate first laps, while they can be as exciting as hell, they can knock a couple of years from your ticker anyway, gets through first lap lying in 15th place....a couple of seconds behind Parkes in the Ferrari which looks as wide as a brothel keepers arse in front of me, behind kissing the gearbox is Gunther in the Eagle. Passing through lap 10, still in 15th before I decide to make me move and grab me knackers in me hands, slippin and slidin through the last the Esses and accelerating up past the kink, slingshot and get a bloody good toe from the Ferrari as I stick it right up his crankshaft.... "Right ye little shit........" Whip out to the right as we both approach the first corner, its all aboot whose chicken now......slam down through the gears and wobble into 1st stickin the cowl into the apex of the corner forcing him wide making him brake up suddenly.........yeeeeeeeeeeeessssss!!!!!!! Me first serious overtakin' manoever. Beats an orgasm any time........:-) Feeling more confident, I block him off watching him bob and weave in me mirrors... "No chance sunshine......." Up to 14th.....Waaaaaaayyyyyyhaaaaaaayyyy. Pit puts up the board tellin me I'm 5 seconds behind the next geezer... "Blimey, had better get a move on....." It wasn't until lap 25 before I got me chance to size him up......Irwin in the BRM. Employing the same tactics, stuck meself right under his gearbox as we headed onto the homestraight....... Er except.......this sod turned out to be a right bastard and demon braker... Figuring I couldn't get anymore speed from drafting him, pulled oot and danced with him on the brakes, it wasn't until we were STILL side by side that I realised that I was up shit creek. There was abso fucking lutely no way I was going to make that corner without breaking a nail..... I slammed on me plastic pedals so hard that I actually stood up in the seat...... Swearing like a seriously pissedoff drunk, I tried to slide the car into a spin as to try and avoid thecrash barrier across from the grass verge........... NO fucking chance. The BRM twitched and slowed as I shot across his front, onto the grass where I picked up speed before slamming into the fence causing both left sided wheels to sheer off and go bouncing away, the tub flicked up and over and landed flat on the top of the railing sliding along it with sparks, smoke and god knows what else belching from its arse........ "Ouch........." Race over.......zero points (as if I was going to get any fuckers anyway......) Clark 1st Hulme 2nd Hill 3rd. If Martin Brundle had stuck his microphone in me face, I'd have punched his fucking lights oot. Still, its only a game. idav

And a great game it is. Good refreshing stuff. Thanks. Don Scurlock Vancouver,B.C.

An excellent read :-) MS

that was just awesome... i laughed "me arse" off.... you really need to get into broadcasting.... :)

> Ok here I go..........this is either going to work or make me look like a > complete numb nuts. > Race 1 - Kyalami (as much as I remember of it!!!!!) Absolutely Fabulous...I'm looking forward to hearing about round 2. I hope your arse didn't get too sparked sliding around up there on the guardrail. dave henrie

Bravo!! Roll on round 2! Dags

You would not have been able to hear him, but the rest of us could. Just before your shunt Murry said "Unless I'm very much mistaken the Lotus is going to go past the BRM easily" : ) Great Read Thanks Regards Mike On Tue, 11 Jan 2000 16:27:33 -0000, "idav" <[email hidden]> wrote:

Quoted text (255 lines)

>Ok here I go..........this is either going to work or make me look like a >complete numb nuts. >This was the first time I put a serious effort into the game for a season, >probably embellished a couple a things but what the hell....!!!!! >* ><cough> >"aaaaaaand cue Murray..!!!!!!!" >"Wwwwwwelcome viewers to another scintillating F1 season on ITV (Internet >TellyVision), here we are at Kyalami in sunny South Africa for the start of >the Formula 1 World Championships for 1967 which promise AY nother >OUTstanding year of motor sport. >Beside me, as ever is Martin Brundle, Martin whats YOUR feelings and INsight >for the coming season..?" >"Well Murray, new drivers, new cars, new circuits what more could you ask >for..!!. All the ingrediants are here for some great racing and another >great year. >But despite all that Murray, you just have to put your money on the Lotus 49 >this year, they're looking strong as ever with their new Ford DFV engine, >its quick, nimble with lots of high end grunt they're definately the team to >beat. >The Eagle and Murasama teams are here with brand new chassis and engines so >their performances will be one's to watch whereas Ferrari just seem to have >stood still as usual...still too much politics behind close doors I fear >Murray. >"Hurr hurr Controversial as ever Martin!!, still couldn't agree more Lotus >are the team to beat AND they've got an impressive driver line up this >year..." >"You can't go far wrong with Clark and Hill Murray, bags of experience and >real racers who will undoubtdley get the best out of the car..." >"Now Martin, what about their new driver, not heard much of him, came >through the GP2 series with flying colours but this is the big league do you >think he can cut it...?" >"Time will tell Murray, he seems fairly solid, had a lot of testing at Monza >so we'll have to see. I'll tell you something though, if he can't do it with >this team he won't ever do it.." >"ABsolutely Martin, AND its FANTASTIC to see another Brit in F1, so viewers >look out for him this season and I'm sure we all wish him the best of >luck.." >"We join the action for 1st qualifiying and LOOK Martin, do my ears decieve >me or is that the LOTUS first out..YES IT IS and by jove its idav, he's out >early in the session....." >"Taking advantage of a clear track Murray, good tactics and there he goes >past the pits on his first run and just listen to that DFV go!!!!!" >"OH YES he looks so smooooooooth Martin, cool, calm and >collected.....!!!!!!!!!" >** >Bang!!!!!!!! >"Eh........what the fuck........?" >A shower of metal and sparks exploded behind me arse. >"Awww hells bells........!!" banging the wheel giving the budgie a fright. >I slammed me feet doon on the plastic pedal bringing the car to a >halt..........press Esc. >Sitting in the pit, me mechanic sidles up ter me and gives me the beady eye. >"Look son, don't rev the shit ootah the engine you're ganna blah the bugger >to kingdom come...!!, just teck your time, short shift until ye find your >feet.." >I nod getting back into the seat sticking a piece of gum in me gob. >"Ok here we go......" >Shift'n through 1st and 2nd I head out back onto the track as Gurney and >Rindt thunder past, toddling through Crowthorne and Barbaque Bend I press >the plastic to the floor sawing back and forth on the wheel trying to get a >bit of heat into me tyres. >Sidling around the last kink, I click the car through the gears as I fly >through the home straight and Ist flying lap, hit the black stripe and pile >on the brakes shiftin doon until I hit 1st and squeeze through the two slow >corners before zipping up through 3rd and 4th, the car wobbling like a jelly >on a fucking plate. >"Grip fer fucks sake..." I mutter as the tailend begins to fishtale >something cronic powering through Jukskel Sweep, Clubhouse Bend before >slamming on the brakes and cruise through the Esses before giving the engine >full welly onto the homestraight. >Crouching over the wheel, stick in another coupla laps feelin as if I'm >flying before pulling (Esc) into the pits before I run out of gas and flick >the screen. >"How've I done....?" >"1.27.55" >"Who's fastest.......?" >"Clark.........1.22." >"Eh......where the fuck did he find 5 seconds......?" seriously deflaited. >Check the setup, right side tyre temps seriously screwed, bung in a couple >of notches of camber and a bit of toe-in at the front. >Head out again............. >Fanny on for the next hour trying bits n' bobs of combinations before >calling it a day and fast forwarding.... >With a deep breathe flick the chart and ............bollox. >13th. >Clark first, followed by Hill, Hulme and Surtees. >"Shite..." I wince going for a piss. >** >"Annnnnnnnnd cue Murray....!!!!!" >"Here we are at Kyalami for the first round of the Formula 1 series for >1967, we're just a couple of minutes away from the start of the race and all >the cars are on the grid AND so is Martin Brundle......over to you >MArtin....." >"Thanks Murray, its a baking hot day and 80 laps is really going to test the >drivers and their cars to the limit, once again the Lotus has dominated >qualifying with Clark looking particularly impressive in race trim but look >out for Surtees in the Murasama...could be the surprise of the weekend. >Sadly, I'm standing by 13th spot and the Lotus of idav, he'll really have to >do much better than this if he wants to keep his seat.....give us a wave for >the viewers back home idav (fuck off ye poncey pillock). >Back up to you Murray." >Race 1 - Kyalami (as much as I remember of it!!!!!) >Can see sod all......stuck behind the Eagle of McLaren, look right at Ickx's >Coventry...start to feel me palms sweat. >The engine revs increase blasting from me speakers, stick me tongue out >between pressed lips... >"Tek your time, don't do anything bloody stupid............." >The frame rate drops to 15 (gulp - gotta V3) as all hell breaks loose around >me, figuring I'd better shift me arse sharpish, stick it into first....... >"Wheelspin........!!" as I feel the tub shiver and shake before getting a >grip, bang we're away down to the first corner noticing a Ferrari dodging >aboot in me mirrors. >Absolute mayhem at Crowthorne as everyone filters through, back off way >before I should making bugger lugs behind me take evasive manoevers. >"Don't bloody hit me..!!!!!!!" I blurt out giving a BRM a wide berth as it >dips inside to my right, whew!!!!!, get through the next bend and notice a >couple of daft buggers grasscutting and one on fire by the fence.....hurr >hurr.. >Hate first laps, while they can be as exciting as hell, they can knock a >couple of years from your ticker anyway, gets through first lap lying in >15th place....a couple of seconds behind Parkes in the Ferrari which looks >as wide as a brothel keepers arse in front of me, behind kissing the gearbox >is Gunther in the Eagle. >Passing through lap 10, still in 15th before I decide to make me move and >grab me knackers in me hands, slippin and slidin through the last the Esses >and accelerating up past the kink, slingshot and get a bloody good toe from >the Ferrari as I stick it right up his crankshaft.... >"Right ye little shit........" >Whip out to the right as we both approach the first corner, its all aboot >whose chicken now......slam down through the gears and wobble into 1st >stickin the cowl into the apex of the corner forcing him wide making him >brake up suddenly.........yeeeeeeeeeeeessssss!!!!!!! >Me first serious overtakin' manoever. >Beats an orgasm any time........:-) >Feeling more confident, I block him off watching him bob and weave in me >mirrors... >"No chance sunshine......." >Up to 14th.....Waaaaaaayyyyyyhaaaaaaayyyy. >Pit puts up the board tellin me I'm 5 seconds behind the next geezer... >"Blimey, had better get a move on....." >It wasn't until lap 25 before I got me chance to size him up......Irwin in >the BRM. >Employing the same tactics, stuck meself right under his gearbox as we >headed onto the homestraight....... >Er except.......this sod turned out to be a right bastard and demon >braker... >Figuring I couldn't get anymore speed from drafting him, pulled oot and >danced with him on the brakes, it wasn't until we were STILL side by side >that I realised that I was up shit creek. >There was abso fucking lutely no way I was going to make that corner without >breaking a nail..... >I slammed on me plastic pedals so hard that I actually stood up in the >seat...... >Swearing like a seriously pissedoff drunk, I tried to slide the car into a >spin as to try and avoid thecrash barrier across from the grass >verge........... >NO fucking chance. >The BRM twitched and slowed as I shot across his front, onto the grass where >I picked up speed before slamming into the fence causing both left sided >wheels to sheer off and go bouncing away, the tub flicked up and over and >landed flat on the top of the railing sliding along it with sparks, smoke >and god knows what else belching from its arse........ >"Ouch........." >Race over.......zero points (as if I was going to get any fuckers >anyway......) >Clark 1st >Hulme 2nd >Hill 3rd. >If Martin Brundle had stuck his microphone in me face, I'd have punched his >fucking lights oot. >Still, its only a game. >idav

Gimme more!! Wonderfull stuff.

>Ok here I go..........this is either going to work or make me look like a >complete numb nuts. >This was the first time I put a serious effort into the game for a season, >probably embellished a couple a things but what the hell....!!!!! Very amusing - better luck next race.<g> Eldred -- Tiger Stadium R.I.P. 1912-1999 Own Grand Prix Legends? Goto http://gpl.gamestats.com/vroc Never argue with an idiot. He brings you down to his level, then beats you with experience... Remove SPAM-OFF to reply.

Oooh, I think idavs gone off in a big way. Yes, hes into the wall hard. Martin, can you see anything from your venue. I can see him getting out of the car Murray. He appears to be alright, hes taking off his gloves and undoing the front of his driving suit. Hes gesturing wildly to the spectators by the fence line. Now it would appear as if hes going to........Oh my......this IS unfortunate... Martin? whats happening? Well, it would appear that Mr idav is releaving himself on the motor of Lotus; steam is pouring off the headers, its quite spectatular really, I've never seen anything quite like this in all my years of racing. Thanks for the update Martin, I'm sure Colin will want to have a word with the lad once he gets back to the paddock... :) Lugnut >Ok here I go..........this is either going to work or make me look like a >complete numb nuts.

You bastard.........!!!!!!!!!! I bet you were the ***er with the camera...... idav * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet's Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet - Free!