The Beginning -
In the beginning, there was the egg. No, actually there was the chicken
nebula...a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. The chicken god,
Tarantula, came along. It was late at night. Only Letterman was on the
tube, and Tarantula was bored. So, he said "Let there be a solar system."
...and, hey, check it out, there was a solar system. Tarantula chose one
of the planes, and called it "Chickarella". Then he said "Let there be
an egg." ...and, hey, check it out, there was an egg (How predictable, huh?)
The egg hatched, and the chick grew into a chicken. All it did was eat and
sleep, and take the occassional restroom break. Tarantula became bored again,
so he said "Let there be more eggs." ...and, hey, check it out, there were
more eggs (Do I see a pattern emerging?). The eggs hatched, and the chicks
grew into chickens. The population started to multiply. Since there was food
everywhere, the chickens didn't have to get regular boring jobs. Some became
scientists, some became priests, some became politicians, and some became
other things. ...and some just sat at home all day and watched re-runs of
"Married With Chickens."
The Early Years -
It was Christmas, and everyone was at home watching "It's a Wonderful Chicken."
Tarantula was getting bored again. So he yelled "Get up! Do something
interesting,
you lazy bastards. Go explore space and stuff." The chickens did what he asked.
The scientists built UFOs. The priests came along to kiss Tarantula's...er...to
worship, Tarantula. The politicians came along, too. (How else would the
chickens
get the funding...and the scandals can be funny). Some of the other chickens
came
along, too, because...uhm...er...oh, heck, I don't know why. Anyways, one day,
as
they were zooming around in space, the chickens looked out the window. They saw
Earth, and decided to go in for a closer look. The dinosours had died a few
years
earlier, and there were just some small animals left, so it was the perfect
planet
to create a colony on. More UFOs with chickens came, and a chicken civilization
developed on Earth. After a while, the monkeys started to become smart. They
quit
monkeying around (..really?), and developed into humans. They chased a few
chickens
around now and then, but everyone was still happy. Then the humans developed
governments, and when they found out the real UFO/chicken story, they captured
all
of the chickens. The governmental monke...er...humans covered the whole story
up,
so they would not freak out the rest of the humans. Humans continued to see
UFOs
and unexplainable things continued to occur..including the disappearance of
Elvis
(..and the government cover-up continued, too). But even when they were in
captivity,
the chickens were pretty happy. Until...
Dave's Wendy's, John Wallace, and KFC -
Little Wendy wanted a pet. Dogs peed too much, Cats scratched too much, so she
decided to go to the government and get herself a chicken. One day, her
grandfather
Dave came over. When he accidentally stepped on the chicken, it bit him (It had
dentures.). Dave became angry, and bit the chicken mad. He liked the taste.
"Hey,
tastes like chicken" (Duh!!) he thought. He grilled the chicken, and stuck it
between two buns. It tasted even better. He came up with his own fast-food
chain,
and called it "Dave's." He sold lots of "chicken burgers", and made lots of
commercials
(Starring in all of them.) Wendy didn't like this. Afterall, it was her pet
chicken
that he bit, and as a result, came up with the fast-food chain. She threatened
to call
Cochran and sue if Dave didn't change the name. He got scared, and changed the
name
to "Wendy's."
Gengis Kahn was on a business trip in Kentucky once. The food on the flight was
bad,
and Gengis was hungry. He decided to give Wendy's a try. Gengis thought it was
pretty
good, but thought he could do better than grill a chicken and stick it in a
bun. What
it needed was the magic "Gengis" touch. He asked Dave for a chicken, and Dave
gave him
one. Gengis Kahn decapitated it, using a special move he came up with after
playing lots
of "Shadow Warrior". Then he fried it. The chicken tasted even better. KFC was
born.
John Wallace liked chickens. In fact, he loved them. He loved them so much that
he ate
them every single day. But that wasn't enough. He wanted to do more with his
favourite
poultry. What else could he do with chickens? Had had come up with every single
chicken
recipe you can think of. One day, John was watching a commercial for cool hats.
"I want
a cool hat like that, too!" he thought to himself. "With ear warmers!".
Unfortunately,
he had spend all of his money on Excel and Quake 2. The next pay-day wouldn't
be for
another two weeks. He was eating dinner (Chicken, of course), and thought of
how much
he would like to have a cool hat like he saw in that commercial. He went to
sleep, and
started to dream. He kept on dreaming about cool hats..and chickens. When he
woke up,
he remembered his dream. John had an idea "Chicken hats! That's it!" It was a
cold
morning in Scotland, and John went outside and strapped a chicken to his head.
The wings
covered his ears, and he was starting too feel much warmer on this cold
morning. John
tried some other forms of "Chicken-wear" as he called it. Chickens were very
inexpensive,
and kept people warm quite nicely, so John entered the fashion world with
"John's Cool
Chicken Wear."
These three people terrorize chickens all over the world, but it would only get
worse.
Find out the rest tomorrow in part 2.
Tomorrow: Part 2 of "The history of..you guessed it..The Chicken."
Mad Cows - Le Chicken - Cyperspace: The Next Frontier
Le Chicken
Official Chicken of r.a.s. (Now I have Corpor..Curpe...Corpal..or whatever Wing
Syndrome..ouch!)
What kind of *** are you taking ?
...and does he deliver?
None, except the occassional NyQuil. Did I even spell
the right? Oh well. What do you expect from a chicken?
Huh?
I don't, but you can always call 1-800-***-R-US
Le Chicken
Official Chicken of r.a.s. (Ze great historian...)
Hey, I was here first. Can this chicken do the Bird? I think not.
Signed,
Henpecked in Houston
> >>What kind of *** are you taking ?
> None, except the occassional NyQuil. Did I even spell
> the right? Oh well. What do you expect from a chicken?
> Huh?
I woulda lied, You have to have an exuse for foolishiness,
without one,..well,..your a fool.
-DG-
